On Restorative Justice

 

Have you noticed these signs that are posted around listing Restorative Questions? Have you wondered what they mean?

These signs are there to help all of us at Mariposa Kids to take a step back and reflect on our situation in cases of conflict. Conflict is a natural and necessary part of human life and cannot be avoided; children as well as adults find themselves in unpleasant situations that they would like to change. But how we handle these contentious situations makes a great difference in the quality of our relationships, and in our general well being. It makes a big difference in the results of a conflict when all sides feel heard and respected, and when the focus is on realistic ways to get along.

In cases where we rub each other the wrong way, these questions are meant to help us understand the perspective of other people who may have upset us, or who we may have hurt. I find that most conflicts originate in misunderstandings, and that all sides have a grain of truth. When each person is honest about the intentions behind their actions, we can understand that grain of truth, and bad feelings can dissipate faster. To bring about that honesty, the goal of any conflict resolution process should to provide a safe space where children feel comfortable to reflect and to admit mistakes without the fear of punishment. Once we figure out the true reasons for our behavior, it is easier to devise a resolution plan and avoid the same patterns in the future. Therefore, it is important that children be encouraged to think about the actual effects their actions had on their peers or the community, (rather than thinking about the consequences that a teacher can impose on them). That way, they don't have to put a defensive guard on, and they are more open to change.

Over the years, I have heard many parents say that they would like their children to grow up having a genuine sense of “the right thing to do”. We would like children to develop moral responsibility, and avoid harming others, even when there is no adult around. It seems that the best way to teach children how to be respectful to others is to truly respect them as people. So in these moments of conflict, when they are figuring out what is the right thing to do, it is important that the adults in their lives lovingly remind them to reflect on mistakes they may have made, and look forward to a better future.

Gaily Ezer